To:  All Demon Apprentices

From:  Professor Loquacious McEvil

It isnt bad enough that Ive been assigned to teach you sniveling little soul-stealers, but now you seem to have gotten completely lost in your studies. How many times do we have to go over this material? If it were left up to you, wed probably lose every one of these postmoderns to that aggravating Nazarene carpenter. So, lets go over this one more time before your midterm.

The postmodern generation consists of humans born between 1984 and 2002. Theyve been labeled with a variety of names, which is good because the more labels placed upon them, the more confusing it becomes to distinguish them. And, as one of their great theologians, Dana Carvey, once said, To label me is to ignore me. So whether you call them GenY, Millennials or Mosaics, the point is to keep them labeled so that Christians are less likely to see them as human beings in need of the enemys love.

You can add to the confusion by suggesting your subjects be fearful of postmodernism. Once the lines between postmoderns (the generation) and postmodernism (the philosophy) become blurred, it will be all the more easy to incite attacks upon anything labeled postmodern. The idea is to get people so focused on turning the clock back that they lose sight of an eternal future.

The philosophy of postmodernism represents a deconstruction of Western thought. Rather than relying on a moral authoritysuch as Gods Word or mans reasonto determine truth, postmodern thought tends to recognize truth through experience and community. And thats a good thing for our side, my demons, because, if we can get humans to believe experience is the only measure of truth, then weve thrown them toward a subjective, feel good kind of faith.

Its also important to remember that postmodern thought emerged from the 60s, and so one of your subjects can be 50 or older yet still embrace postmodernism. The younger generation is called postmoderns, because they are the first generation born and wholly raised under this new way of thinking.

Now, here are some of the characteristics of the postmodern generationand dont expect me to repeat these in the future, my dimwitted demons!

No moral absolutes
This is a delicious trait because it means the postmodern generation tends to embrace moral relativity, but its also the type of characteristic that incites fear in many Christians. If you can get your human prey to focus on arguing the finer points of postmodern philosophy, theres a good possibility they will forget the real need of postmoderns: inviting that Nazarene into their hearts.

And besides, postmoderns do not respond well to reasoned, logical argument. They are non-linear thinkers and do not work off the same template as previous generations. This will help our cause because most of the older generation will dismiss postmoderns as just another youth movement to tolerate, when, in fact, they represent a paradigm shift in thinking. They are the first of their kind.

Having no moral absolutes does not mean these creatures have no beliefs. Our Satanic Survey Service suggests they are more likely to believe in something, rather than in nothing. Theyre just as likely to combine two diametrically opposed ideas, such as the belief in the Nazarene as the one true way to Gods contemptible heaven and the belief in reincarnation.

Theres lots of material to work from, my malicious minions. Since they are not bothered by contradictions, you can encourage them to create their own religion. And remember, we have never been fearful of deeply religious people, only those who take the Nazarene at his word.

Opinions weigh heavily with this generation, and you can use that to your advantage. Look at how well Reputious has done with his prey, Jerry Springer! A Ph.D. with years of study can be neutralized by the opinions of anyone who cares to disagree.

A classic post-modern phrase is, That may be true for you, but it isnt true for me.

Language
There is no common language among postmoderns. What makes this particularly grand for us is that they speak the same words, yet theyre rooted in different meanings.

Let me give you a simple illustration: Remember when, in the English language, the meaning of the word bad transitioned into slang for good. So when one human would say to another, Youre bad, he might actually be delivering a compliment. Now, imagine if another human joined in the conversation, but had no idea that such a radical shift in definition had taken place. Naturally, there would be all sorts of confusion, and you know how the boss loves confusion.

The same thing is happening amidst the postmoderns. If you talk to them about a concept like truth, they may not mean the same thing as you. Definitions are open for negotiation,  which is why one of their recent U.S. Presidents said, It depends on what the meaning of is is.  Oh, Im getting giddy just thinking about that whole scene, perpetrated I might boast, by some of my former apprentices!

Its like the Tower of Babel Disaster all over again, except this time its working for our benefit! Where everyone used to speak a common language, now all these little sub-groups have a language of their own and a tribal knowledge of their own that few outsiders understand.

Its like standing in front of a magazine rack and seeing all the different publications. Everyone of them represents a different tribe.

Do you speak the language and carry the values of surfers? Car enthusiasts? Left-handed guitar players? The common reference points are falling away and that will only lead to glorious confusion.

Its like trying to start a one-size-fits-all church at the United Nations, and the beautiful thing is most Christians dont even realize the difficult terrain ahead. Theyre blissfully marching along, thinking they can apply the same evangelism techniques to this generation that they have in the past.

Were leading them right down a delightful path of destruction!

Tribes
This generation is full of diversity subcultures within subcultures. Think about the difficulty in trying to buy a Coke today (I do have a weakness for that human drink). Theres regular Coke, Diet Coke, Caffeine Free Coke, Diet Caffeine Free Coke, Cherry Coke and Vanilla Coke, ad nauseam.

The same thing is true among the postmoderns. They tend to run in tribes based upon location or interests. 

For instance, postmoderns are very interested in the arts. You know from your history lessons that we effectively stole the arts from the church a good many years ago, yet this generation sees the need for art that communicates the nature of God.

We need to keep feeding them the lie that the arts belong in Hollywood and not in the local church.

And theyre very much into the sensory aspects of their faith, which is why you see so many of them reaching back to the old church icons we chased away years ago. Thats why candles and incense appeal to thembecause they want to experience a full-body worship. We need to whisper into the ears of other Christians that this is weird and too unorthodox to help anyone encounter the Nazarene.

Relationships
The tribal postmoderns believe relationships are extraordinarily important. Weve so successfully decimated the family that these younger humans are looking for meaningful relationships.

I heard one of their church planters in New York, Gregg Farah, say, I think theyre open to the gospel, but it isnt going to be a quick fix. It must be a time of real relationship building and loving people through servant evangelism in order to build trust. But deep down, I really believe they are hungry. They are seeking some stability, truth and connection in their lives.

One of our best defenses, my malicious minions, is to convince Christians to concentrate solely on the same methods that worked 40 years agoget them to go door-to-door and hand out tracts. The Christians will feel like theyve accomplished something, and when the postmoderns dont respond well, the Christians will blame them for not being interested in the Nazarene. In reality, the postmoderns are interested in deep, authentic relationships.

At all costs, keep the Christians you torment from building serious relationships with non-believers. That has been one of our most successful tools in the last 30 years.

As one of their own pastors, James Emery White of Charlotte, North Carolina, says, The dilemma today is that few believers have active, healthy relationships with nonbelievers. The typical Christian cannot name three non-Christians theyve shared a meal with in the last six months. We have withdrawn into holy huddles and Christian cliques. Keep these Christians off mission by encouraging them to cloister among themselves!

Authenticity
They crave authenticity. Theyre not as concerned about who people are and how they dress. Theyre interested in how real they are.

One of their evangelists, Ray Jones, says, Postmoderns want to know that were the real deal. They want to know that were not just after them as an evangelistic headhunter. If they see were real and were authentic, that grabs postmoderns minds because nothing in this world to them is authentic.

Have you ever wondered why the singer Tony Bennett is so popular among postmoderns? After all, he comes from the generation of their grandparents. Its because Bennett is authentic and doesnt try to be anything else.

Postmoderns know full well that adults have all kinds of hang-ups, so the best way for us to keep them away from the Nazarene is to put them around adults who share a Pollyanna view of life and Christianity.

If humans were smart, they would begin to see postmoderns as a mission field. Theyd never think of going to China, laughing at the language and the dress and the customs, and then inviting the Chinese over to hear the gospel, saying, You have to think like me and look like me before you can enter the Kingdom of God.

Yet thats what they do with the postmoderns. We need to keep humans in the dark about this. If they ever change their thinking and begin to approach postmoderns as if they were a mission group, then you, my little demons, will be apprenticing in the freezer section of hell.

Jon Walker, online editor of Pastors.com and former editor of HomeLife, lives in Hendersonville, Tennessee.