I just returned from Alaska on behalf of HeartCall, a wonderful approach to teaching women effective ways to reach others for Christ. We had 1500 women who participated, 13 who committed to fulltime vocational ministry, and 500 who agreed to reach others with Bible studies. For information about HeartCall visit www.namb.net/women.

Im immersed in evangelism, but that wasnt my upbringing. My parents owned and managed bars in Montana for a living, so thats where, as one of 10 children, I grew up. Church was not part of our life.

Thanks to an invitation from a college roommate, I went to a Baptist Student Union event where I heard about Jesus at the age of 18. I gave Him my life and have never looked back. The discipleship I received during the next three years laid a foundation that has withstood the severest of tests.

God called me to ministry even before I married Gary Starke. After attending seminary, Gary and I and our three daughters spent eight years planting churches in a 150-mile triangle of Montana backcountry. We led and started churches in Malta, Zortman and Sun Prairie.

I could tell you some hilarious stories about how we battled harsh elements as well as hard attitudes in order to share the gospel. One frosty morning, I got too close to the wood stove in our Sunday school room, and my skirt caught fire.

About three years ago we left the highline area and relocated to Great Falls, Montana, where most of my nine siblings still live. Gary pastored a fairly new church, Falls Community Baptist, and we purchased a building in nearby Black Eagle. That building was one of the bars where Id spent part of my childhood.

I have the gift of evangelism, so I attended a training seminar for HeartCall and began leading workshops in the Northwest. About that time, tragedy struck.

Just before 6 a.m. on March 21, 2000, while I was still in bed, Gary walked into the kitchen. I heard him cry out Oh, God followed by a resounding thump as his body fell straight backwards onto the floor. I ran to him and called for help. Emergency personnel were unable to resuscitate him. Other than mild asthma, Gary had never been sick, and suddenly, at 42 years old, hed had a heart attack and was gone.

To say my life radically changed is an understatement.

I had always been a pastors wife. As much as I miss Gary terribly, I also miss being Garys wife and his partner in ministry. Like most couples we worked hard at becoming onenow I feel like a half. But God has been faithful and taught me a great deal, helping my girls and me walk through this time, continue in ministry and grow in our faith.

Thank goodness, Gary and I taught our girls to pray. The first week after he died, when I couldnt pray, the girls could. My daughters prayed me through those first difficult days.

The discipleship I received as a new believer equipped me with invaluable disciplines that sustained me in my dark hour. The morning after Gary died, I rose early and read my Bible as usual, and God spoke to me in a deeply personal way.

I found myself doing what I had always donepraying, reading the Word, fellowshipping with other believers. And because of that, God surrounded me with His love. Montana Baptists flooded us with calls of support and encouragement.

 My daughters and their friends were like medicine to my soul because they just let me cry; it didnt upset them. They had no hang-ups about talking to a widow. Some people just dont know what to say to someone who has lost a spouse or a child, so they simply avoid them. Im thankful that the teens in my life just treated me like they always had, and that was such a comfort.

God has been very near, even on days when I dont want to get out of bed. I believe that Garys death was of God. He took Gary home. So I tell God, Im your problem! You did this to me. Its up to You to take care of me. And He has.

Im busy, and thats a good thing. Besides parenting three wonderful daughters, I work part-time at a bank. I attend college and hope to go to seminary. I am childrens minister at Crossroads Memorial Baptist and lead HeartCall workshops, which is my way to help others be on mission.

My call to ministry hasnt changed even though my husband is no longer here. If anything, it has been Gods call that has sustained me and given me hope for the future.

The night before Gary died we prayed together, and he encouraged me to not worry about the little things that trouble our lives. Life is just this short, Gary said, holding his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. You never know when youll be with Jesus.