ILLUSTRATION BY MARK HERRON
I never expected the day my daughter reached the dating age of 16 to be a happy one. I dreaded seeing some of the guys she would drag home. After all, this is the age of body-piercing and tattooing. I know its my archaic, arthritically minded temperament (as my daughter puts it) that causes this, but I didnt pray things like, I hope he doesnt have a stud in his ear, or a tattoo on his arm. No, I was praying things like, Please, Lord, let his body- piercing metal be less than five pounds. And, Let all the tattoos be concealed by clothing most of the time.
In the process, I discovered a powerful tool for evangelism.
It started because I wasnt sure how to handle the dating thing. Nicole and I decided on just a couple of rules.
One, whoever she went out with had to meet me before the date, so I could talk to him. This was a protective kind of thing. If I sensed the boy in chair number one was a clandestine serial killer, I could head off disaster before it happened.
The second rule was that Nicole could date only Christians. This was a toughie. Nicole wailed, All the Christian guys are nerds. And, I dont know any Christian guys.
Find some, I told her. Pick one out and date him.
Finally the day came when Nicole had a date. I think it was .3 seconds after she turned sixteen. The night before the actual date, Nicole hustled him over to our house, telling him, presumably, You have to talk to my father about some things before we can go out.
The sheepish, cowed, nervous suitor entered our living room. Nicole introduced me. This is my Dad. Dad, this is Eric. Go easy.
I shook Eric's hand. So, tell me about yourself, Eric, I said, trying to start gently.
He told me what sports he played, what hobbies he had, how his grades were. Everything looked rosy. I asked more questions, just a few I didnt want this to seem like I suspected I was interrogating a terrorist. Finally, I approached the biggie. So what do you think about Jesus Christ?
He said, Oh, I go to church.
Unsatisfied, I went back to my question, Do you have any particular belief in Jesus?
This time Eric gave me a more specific answer. Oh, I believe in Him.
I think He was the Savior. I was baptized when I was twelve and
That was enough for me.
Sometimes these young men would go on and on, regaling me with spiritual experiences that left out only their recent battle with Goliath. But in the end, I let my daughter go out with them.
Over the next two years, I interviewed a couple of hundred no, it only seemed that way maybe a dozen guys who Nicole dated. All of them went to church, but on a few occasions their commitment to Christ was dicey. However, I'd agreed with Nicole that if they went to church and were willing to undergo my interrogation, that was enough for me. I mean, how far can we go in requiring our kids to date only Christians? I discovered that pinning down some of these guys to exactly what they believed was very tough their differing backgrounds made it hard for me to pull out of them precisely what the evangelism books claimed they should say.
As time wore on, my ability to get to the heart of the matter improved. Some of the materials I'd used years ago from Evangelism Explosion and the A-B-C method were helpful. I also began using the classic question of evangelism as the primary way to find out about a suitors status before God. If you were to die today and stand before God, and He said to you, Why should I let you into heaven? what would you say?
In most cases, the guys answered correctly, and I felt relieved and happy.
As weve done this, its become a source of joy. Ive gained opportunities to witness to some young men who clearly didn't know the gospel even though they attended church. And I've found myself witnessing to more people per month through this process, sharpening my evangelism skills. Nicole has learned from the process too. Ive begun to look forward to the meetings.
I dont encourage my kids to date non-Christians. But I think talking to their dates can be a powerful and effective way to reach more people with the gospel.
Here are tips for using this opportunity to show your daughters (and sons) the importance all relationships play in an on mission lifestyle.
Establish the rules from the start. If you want to talk to your daughters or sons prospective date about his or her religious beliefs, then start out with rules that are clear and concise.
Have a plan of how you will approach the subject. Think through what you want to say.
Be kind and understanding. Not everyone your daughter or son dates will have precisely the same understanding you do of the process of salvation. Try to see from the dates point of view.
Dont miss the opportunity. If that possible future mate clearly is not a Christian, share the gospel. You might want to have a tract available.
Should you let your son or daughter go out with someone who clearly isnt saved? Thats a whole other issue.
In the end, I decided that if the date was willing to meet me and talk, hear my spiel and be serious about it, that was enough for me for a first date.
If the relationship happened to get beyond that first dinner and movie, perhaps future conversations on the dates spiritual journey would move beyond any shadow of a doubt.
Mark Littleton, of Gladstone, Missouri, is a writer, speaker and author of 63 books.