ur families are important to us; most of us would make any sacrifice necessary for the safety, well-being and even the comfort of our family members. When it comes to the most important issue they will ever face, however, we often find it difficult to broach the subject. Being a Christian and talking to others about Christ are inseparable issues. Logically and scripturally, how can one receive the greatest Presence inside and outside the universe and not tell anyone about Him (Matthew 28:18-20, 1 Peter 3:15-16)? Never-the-less, Christians do not always find it easy to share their faith with others.
This is often especially true when it comes to sharing with those closest to us. For most Christians, sharing their faith with family members and close friends may indeed prove to be harder than any other situation. Why? There are probably several answers to that question.
Why is sharing with family members so difficult?
One problem is that thedesire for success is high. We believe all people need the Savior, and we long to see all people come to Him. Yet, with family members there is a different longing. We love these people in a way we really cannot love "all people." Our longing for them to know the joy we know in Christ eclipses our desire for "all people" to experience that joy. At the holiday season our expectation of being able to share with our family members may escalate. So, the very intensity of the desire for success breeds a fear of failure and makes sharing more difficult in intimate relationships. "What if I say something wrong and push him even further away from the Lord?" We don't want to push anyone away from the Lord; we especially don't want to push our own family members away.
Another problem is the importance the relationship has for us. If we offend someone we have just met casually, and that person never wants to see us again, we have not lost much. When we share our faith with someone we care about, we feel anxious about losing a relationship that is important to us.
Ron couldn't help but feel hurt over the cool reception he received from Scott. Ron and Scott had been very close first cousins. They had enjoyed many fun times together, but ever since Ron trusted Christ, the relationship had changed. Ron realized that changes in his behaviors and attitudes had introduced changes in his relationship with Scott.
Scott was having a hard time understanding those changes. Although Ron had tried to explain his new life in Christ, Scott seemed to take the changes as personal rejection. Many times Ron's heart ached as he wondered, "How can I share my new life in Christ with Scott?"
Sometimes we hesitate because of the transparency factor. Those who know us well see our imperfections. We may wonder what right we have telling them how to get their lives right-and we know they may have the same question. They may be willing to live with us and love us "warts and all," but they may not think we are in any position to tell them how to live their lives.
The men from Daddy's ship came early that January morning three days before my 17th birthday. I awoke to hear their voices talking with Mama in the living room, and I knew Daddy was dead. My first emotion was sorrow at losing the man who had been my life-long hero. Next came guilt because I knew Daddy was unsaved, and I hadn't really tried to help him know the Lord. A day or so later our pastor told us of a conversation he had with Daddy the day before he died and of Daddy's decision to receive Christ. That helped with the anguish of eternal separation, but it did little to ease the guilt of not having directly shared my faith with Daddy. In the years since that day, I have learned I was not alone in finding it difficult to share Christ with someone close.
After Dave accepted Christ, his parents wouldn't speak to him for two years. Finally, he made a point of telling them how his life had changed. He assured them he no longer drank, did drugs, swore, smoked or participated in extra-marital sex. They were impressed at this experience that had brought about such changes. Then they went for a drive. Another driver cut off Dave in traffic, and he instinctively let out a stream of profanity to express his feelings. His mother simply asked, "Are you still saved?"
Another problem is the nature of the relationship itself. It seems natural for a Christian parent to tell a child or teen-ager how to receive salvation, but once that child becomes an adult, there can be resentment if the parent appears to be trying to exert control. A child sharing with a parent has the feel of things being turned around the wrong way. God's Word instructs children to honor their parents. How can a Christian honor parents while telling them they have blown the most important decision in life?
The same question arises when a wife shares with her husband-how does submission in marriage relate to telling your husband he needs to turn his life in a completely different direction?
Siblings may have a more or less equal relationship, but for one to try to instruct another in such a sensitive area may cause resentment. An older sibling may hear from a younger one, "You're not my boss." A younger sibling may well hear, "You're just a kid; what do you know!"
Paul was searching for spiritual significance in life. Seven years older than his brother, Tim, he wondered if there was anything to this Christianity thing Tim talked about. But when a meaningful discussion about spiritual things ensued, the brothers' older sister, Ellen, told Tim he had it all wrong. A debate about Church ordinances left Paul confused. He said, "If this is what Christianity is about, you can keep it." Fortunately a neighbor took a more loving approach to presenting the gospel without the intrusion of combative sibling rivalry. It allowed Paul to see the truth of the gospel, accept Christ as his personal Savior and eventually enter the ministry as a Baptist pastor. Sometimes the intimacy of family can contribute to the interference of a clear gospel message.
Maybe one of the most insidious problems is the someday factor. In casual relationships there may be a sense of urgency to share our faith, because we don't know how long the opportunity may be present. In family relationships, we may think, "I want to wait until the time is just right." Sadly, that "just right" time seldom comes-there's always some reason to delay-and we may find ourselves at the end of the other person's life, still waiting for "just the right time" to share Christ.
Douglas struggled for years with his father's attitude toward spiritual things. As a young man his dad often told Douglas that he would outgrow his need for religion. Douglas wanted to share with his dad how he came to faith in Christ, but the time just never seemed right. The years passed without an explanation of what it meant to be a Christian.
With his dad near death, Douglas finally mustered the courage to share with his dad. The first thing his dad asked him when he finished praying to receive Christ as Savior was, "Son, why did you wait so long?"
How can we overcome the problems?
One of God's great gifts is His sufficiency. His promise to Paul, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness(2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV), is available to believers today. What we cannot do by ourselves we can do by God's grace. What does God's sufficient grace mean in the everyday life of a believer, and particularly what does it mean in sharing our faith with family members?
We know we were saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9). Sometimes we think that though we were saved by grace, we have to live the Christian life through our own efforts. Nothing could be further from the truth. Colossians 2:6 says: So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him (NIV). It was God's grace that allowed us to receive Christ Jesus as Lord, and it is through God's grace that we live the Christian life.
That includes sharing our faith. Not one of us can effectively share the gospel without the enabling grace of God. Paul recognized this when he said: I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God's grace ... this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ ... (Ephesians 3:7-8, NIV).
How, then, does God's grace enable us to overcome each of the difficulties we mentioned? It frees us to be who we are in Christ-even with family members. God's grace is sufficient to cover anyone who wants to share. Once we internalize this truth, we can view our relationship with an unsaved family member as an asset to sharing Christ. It is a door to open and honest dialogue, a vehicle for promoting reconciliation, and a platform for demonstrating the reality of Christ to unsaved loved ones through personal ministry. Our relationship with a unsaved loved one is an opportunity to trust the Holy Spirit to use our character and speech to draw that person to Christ.
If we hesitate because of our intense desire for success, God's grace reminds us that it is He Who convicts and draws. Our job is simply to share out of the overflow of what He has done in and for us. If we fear because of the importance of the relationship, God's grace shows us how to approach the person in love so offense is minimized. The gospel itself may be an offense to an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 1:23-24), but by God's grace our approach to sharing that gospel does not have to be offensive (2 Corinthians 6:3).
When the transparency factor causes us to hesitate, we look to God's grace to give us the stability in Christian living that allows us to be transparent. As God's grace stabilizes us, those looking at our lives will see, not perfection, but consistent growth in Christlikeness. We will be rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith..., and overflowing with thankfulness (Colossians 2:7, NIV).
When sharing is difficult because of the nature of the relationship, God's grace shows us that we are approaching a person whom God loves and who needs to experience His grace just as we have. The human relationship of parent-child, spouse or sibling remains, but it becomes secondary to the spiritual relationship of one who has experienced God's grace sharing with one who needs to experience it. Jesus expressed the concept of the family of faith when He said: Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother (Matthew 12:50, NIV).
God's grace overcomes the someday factor by reminding us that now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation (2 Corinthians 6:1-2, NIV).
Rather than waiting for that "perfect" opportunity, we will seek to make the most of every opportunity for communicating our faith to those we love.
Some principles for sharing your faith with those closest to you
Having learned to view relationships with family members as assets to sharing faith in Christ, observing a few general principles can help make the experience easier and of potentially longer lasting value.
Nourish the relationship you have with your loved one. Studies show most people come to Christ because of a sharing relationship. For that reason it is important to invest your-self in building and sustaining a close, mutually satisfying relationship.
Focus on your task. It is not your job to convict your family member of sin or to draw him or her to Jesus. That's the job of the Holy Spirit. It is not your job to make a decision for your family member. He or she must take that responsibility. Your job is to present the truth of the gospel clearly so your family member will have a good basis for making a decision. Part of this focus on the task is preparing to communicate the gospel clearly. Knowing how to lead someone to Christ through scripture frees you to share naturally.
As I was growing up, I loved to be around Pop. He had a way of making everyone, including us step-grandchildren, feel respected. Pop was easy-going and a man's man. From the years we knew him I can't remember his saying anything negative. He didn't mind taking us boys hunting and fishing, either. For these reasons, I greatly respected him.
When I trusted Christ at age 22 I knew Pop was a good man, but I didn't know if he had ever trusted Christ with his life. Because of my love for the Lord and my love and respect for Pop I knew I had to talk to him about Jesus. Pop became seriously ill, and I visited him at his home. During the visit we talked about hunting and fishing and the Falcon pickup engine I had helped him rebuild. I expressed my appreciation and love for him.
It wasn't difficult to share with him what Jesus had been doing in my life.
I knew He would accept me no matter what. When I asked Pop if he knew Jesus in a real way I remember feeling so pleased when he answered, "Yes, I do." He told me about his conversion experience. He described how he was at peace in God's presence despite his illness. Pop died a short time later. I am grateful for the encouragement he gave me even as I was trying to share Christ with him.
Share--don't preach. We expect preaching when we go to church. We don't expect our family members to preach to us, and our unbelieving family members don't want anyone to preach to them. Sharing implies mutuality-listening and speaking, each person respecting the other. Sharing says, "I have discovered something that means a lot to me, and I want you to know about it, too." Avoid preaching, as it is one-way communication; one who has a level of authority presents truth from the perspective of that authority.
Share informally. It's easy just to talk about what's going on in your life. "Sitting down for a talk" can be more difficult. Look for informal opportunities to speak of your faith. There's no threat in your talking about something that is meaningful in your life. Simple times of just sharing informally can lead to opportunities for more in-depth discussion of the gospel.
Be yourself. You don't have to have all the answers, be the perfect Christian or have a flawless presentation of the gospel. In fact, pretending you are perfect with all the answers probably would put off your family member. Sharing as an imperfect person who has found Someone great and just wants to share that discovery communicates your love and concern for your lost relative.
You can be almost certain that in the course of sharing your faith you will make mistakes, because you are not perfect- no one is. Yet, one of the amazing aspects of God's grace is His ability to take our weaknesses, yes, even our mistakes, and use them for His glory when we yield all that we are and do to Him. Joseph told his brothers, Youintended to harm me, but God intended it for good ... (Genesis 50:20, NIV).
If God can turn even evil intentions around for good, certainly He can transform well-intentioned mistakes for His glory. He has promised, In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, NIV).
Be careful how you identify with your relative. Yes, Paul did say: I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some (1 Corinthians 10:24, NIV). Reading the whole passage shows us Paul did not mean he entered into the worldly activities of "all people," but that to the extent it was consistent with Christian principle, he followed cultural expectations. In Cultural Anthropology: A Christian Perspective, Marvin K. Mayers describes how to work within cultural expectations while acknowledging the absolute authority of the scripture.
Describe the cultural norm.
Determine whether the norm is in keeping with biblical principles.
Examine a specific action to determine if it is in keeping with the norm.
Determine whether the action violates either the norm or biblical principles.
If a cultural norm is in keeping with biblical principles, and a specific action does not violate the cultural norm, the action can be accepted. If the norm violates biblical principles, the Christian is responsible to obey biblical principles.
Cultural differences exist between Christians and unbelieving family members, just as surely as they exist between different social and ethnic groups. Sometimes Christians stretch too far trying to demonstrate that being a Christian hasn't stopped them from being "real." They think if they participate with unsaved relatives in their activities they can show that Christians are "just like everyone else, only saved." Some activities of your unsaved relatives may meet the test of being in harmony with biblical principles. Others, however, may violate biblical principles. You need to refuse, kindly but firmly, to partici-pate in these. If your life is exactly like that of your unbelieving relative, what reason does he or she have for receiving Christ? Your relative needs to see that you are genuine, and that you are different in significant ways from a person who hasn't trusted Christ as Savior.
Be alert for opportunities to share. Before he became a Christian, Chris and his wife divorced. Since then he has had limited contact with his grown sons, but they did attend their grandfather's funeral. After the funeral and the meal, when guests had left and most family members were napping, Jim (Chris's older son) came into the room where Chris was reading. It was Jim who opened the conversation: "Dad, throughout Granddad's illness, and now after his death, I've noticed there's something different about you. You seem to have a strength and peace that I don't remember from when we all lived together." This really was one of those rare, almost perfect, moments, and Chris responded, "Son, I'm so glad you've asked about that. Since the days when we lived together as a family something important has happened in my life. Jesus Christ has made me a new person, and it is in His grace that I have the strength and peace you have noticed." As the conversation continued, Chris explained to Jim how he could experience that same kind of strength and peace. Convinced by the change in his father, Jim committed his life to Christ that day. Later, Chris said, "That day I said goodbye to the earthly relationship with my father, but I said hello to a spiritual relationship with my son."
Some pointers for the holidays
Don't be afraid to ask for a commitment when the time is right. When you have found an appropriate time to share the gospel with family members, take this sharing to its logical conclusion. Ask your family members, just as you would anyone else with whom you were sharing Christ, if they are ready to make a commitment to Christ. Gently, and with respect, explore any of their hindrances to making a commitment, and show them how they can overcome that hindrance.
Recognize that someone else may be God's instrument for leading your family member to the point of commitment. The telephone's ring startled Evelynn as she was having her quiet time. She had never received a phone call at this time. When she answered the call, Randy, her son, said, "Hi Mom." Evelynn's heart ached as she was reminded of her only son's life on the streets. Randy had called her a few times over the years, but it was always with bad news. Evelynn wondered if Randy was in jail, in the hospital or in some kind of trouble again. "Hello, Randy," she answered as she became aware of something different about this call. "Mom, I wanted to call you," he said. "I've been saved!"
"You've been saved?" Several seconds passed before the meaning of Randy's message came crashing into Evelynn's mind. "Mom? I know Jesus! He's real!" Evelynn almost dropped the phone as she heard her son announce the answer to her prayers for the last 10 years.
Evelynn had raised Randy the best she could as a single mother. She was especially careful to model Christian principles of living for Randy. Although she had talked with her son many times about knowing Jesus in a real way, Randy started to stray into another kind of life as a teen. Randy left home after high school graduation, lived the street life and was involved in drugs and crime. He completely rejected his mother's attempts to share Christ with him through the years. Now he was telling her he was a Christian!
Although Evelynn did not intro-duce Randy to Jesus, she certainly did have a part in leading him to Christ through her faithfulness to pray for and share with him through the years.
A final thought
When Andrew met Jesus, the first thing he did was run to get his brother Simon and introduce him to Jesus (John 1:41). Philip found his friend Nathanael (John 1:45), and the Philippian jailer brought his whole family together in the middle of the night to hear about Jesus (Acts 16:33). Sharing Christ with friends and family members is the most natural action possible for a Christian. Yes, it can be hard, but there can be no greater joy than having a part in leading one you love to experience the life that is possible only in Christ.
Dr. Joy Neal and Darel Robertson are decision counseling associates for the North American Mission Board, sharing in the responsibility of coordinating NAMB's Evangelism Response Center.