When it comes to talking about Christ, not everyone has the same style. Some of us are bold, gregarious and comfortable being the center of attention. We seem never to meet a stranger. Others may see us as confident, orif theyre not thinking of us too kindlyas pushy.

On the other hand, some of us are shy, quiet and prefer to be out of the limelight. We seem to hold back. Others may see us as sincere and genuine orif theyre not being as generous with their opinionas ineffective, content to be a wallflower.

The truth is that both approaches to relating, building friendships and eventually sharing Christ can be effective. How we relate to the people God puts in our pathour social graces, if you willis an individual matter. Our commitment as on mission Christianspeople who deliberately and intentially find ways to talk about Christis to accept the personality God gave us and use it to His glory.

In our home, weve discovered we have drastically different ways of sharing our faith. Even our worst case scenarios are different!

Mark: We were all part of an evangelistic beach project in Wildwood, New Jersey. Boardwalk Chapel stood right on the south end of the boardwalk, a lone bastion of Christianity in a world gone crazy with games of chance, pizza parlors and fun rides. I and my team were learning to approach people and share the gospel. Not every venture was successful.

One night, someone ran into the chapel, calling my name, Mark! Mark! Yeah? I answered, walking out of the back apartments.

Theres this guy, a real atheist. I think hes a guy you can crack open.

Right. I was known as the go-getter in our group. So I knew this was a mission for me. We hurtled out onto the boardwalk and soon found the would-be atheist. I stuck out my hand. Hey, Im Mark Littleton. I hear youre an atheist.

Whats it to you?

Im just interested in how a person could be an atheist in the world today with everything God has shown us to convince us Hes real.

God hasnt shown me nothin, the guy said, his long, greasy hair in a ponytail, his eyes dark, his arms covered with tattoos.

You want to talk? I finally said, a little frustrated. This approach had worked before.

Not if youre going to pull out your storybook Bible on me.

I grimaced. The Bible is Gods love letter to us

Whats God know about love? Have you seen anything? People killin each other, rapes, all sorts of stuff. Just tonight something else happened! Wheres God in this?

Lets go sit down and talk, I said again.

I dont want to hear it, he yelled into my face, then disappeared into the crowd.

I felt for him. I wondered if there was anything I could have said to get him to talk. I didnt know the answers, though, and that one felt like a failed attempt of which there were many.

Jeanette: Ive had many worst case scenarios over the years, but I think the most definitive time was the first time I failed to share my faith.

I came to Christ as a 12-year-old. Not too long after that, I learned that as a Christian I was supposed to be different. So I committed my life to be different in order to show people I was a Christian. I thought this was a quietbut correctapproach.

The next morning, I didnt sit in my normal seat next to my good friend Tammy on the school bus. I believed I needed to appear separate from sinners.

When I plopped in a seat next to a girl who was a Christian, I glanced at Tammy and saw hurt and bewilderment in her eyes. Instead of feeling good about being separate, I felt terrible.

Still, nearly 30 years later, Id give anything to have told Tammy about my faith, rather than trying to witness to her by rejecting her, by being a separatist.

Making mistakes
Its easy to make mistakes when were young in the faith. But as we grow spiritually, we also need to develop the manner in which we share Christ with others. Learning a good, solid and effective method for sharing our faith is essential, but it must feel like a good fit to us. It also must be life-changing. If we must be abrasive and confrontational, lets allow the gospel do that and not our personal styles. If we must be quiet, let it be because were applying our ability to listen, show concern and tailor our gospel message.

Mark: I used to be very confrontational in my evangelistic style, walking right up to people and immediately blurting questions, like, If you died today, do you know where youd go? Many people, confronted like this, just shrugged me off as strange and in need of serious counseling.

Jeanette: After the Tammy incident, I learned how to street witness. I was scared to admit I hated it. Some of my peers were natural at it, but I continued to feel awkward and rarely saw results. I figured the problem was my lack of faith, not the method my introverted personality couldnt make work.

So I avoided witnessing and just felt guilty all the time.

Two types of witnesses
Using us as examples, you can see two types of witnessers: the pushy peddler and the wallflower. They arent gender specific, but well use ourselves as examples.

Both styles have their positive sides. The pushy peddler is willingeven eagerto stick his neck out and share the gospel at all costs. Hes bold. Hes direct. People in his life know exactly where he stands. Hes likely to strike up a conversation with a stranger on an airplane or in line at the grocery store. He deftly and easily moves the conversation to Christ.

The wallflower, though, is more of a listener and quietly builds relationships that can lead to opportunities to share the gospel. She may not bring in the harvest as soon in the relationship, but she plants plenty of seeds through her consistency and integrity. She respects the nonbeliever and talks about Jesus when the other seems open and honestly willing to discuss Him. Many people today are hurting and need someone who will listen to them and not judge. Hurting people are more likely to open up to a wallflower who will just sit and listen. As she listens, she finds ways to weave the message of Christ into the conversation in a subtle and comforting way.

Of course, both styles also have disadvantages. The pushy peddler can drive people away and make it more difficult for the next Christian who witnesses to one of his victims.

The wallflower might be shy about attributing her quiet but solid nature to her personal relationship with Christ, and people may assume by her lifestyle that shes just a nice person.

Making adujstments
Adjusting the style a bit seems necessary for both kinds of people. God has hardwired us to have certain personalities, but we have the ability to alter them slightly to become more effective for Christ.

Mark: Over the years I adjusted my style as I found I wasnt very successful, especially with my family. My pushiness drove my family so far from the Lord that its taken years for them to listen to even my gentlest efforts. Ive learned to sit back and let the Holy Spirit lead, giving Him time to work in the life of someone Im working on. Ive also begun to pray for God to woo those seekers, rather than just stepping out and gospelizing them my own way.

Jeanette: Ive learned over the years not to panic about witnessing. The Holy Spirit has to draw peoplemy job is to be prepared, as 2 Timothy 4:2 says. Its not all my burden. Ive also become comfortable noticing that sometimes Im a planter, rather than a harvester. My witnessing ministry is not the grandstand stuff, nor should it be. I tend to plant or water, while an extrovert like Mark often brings in the harvest (1 Corinthians 3). Occasionally, though, our roles are reversed. Some listeners respond more favorably to my subdued style. Mark may get their attention, but I may be the one to convince them that Christ is the answer.

Wallflowers and peddlers of the Bible
Jesus disciples also displayed these different evangelistic styles. Peter jumped out of the boat to walk on water with Jesus. He spoke up first when Jesus asked the disciples who people thought he was. He drew the first sword to defend Jesus in the Garden. On the Day of Pentecost, Peter proclaimed the gospel, and three thousand people were converted.

On the other hand, consider Andrew. He brought Peter to Jesus. And he sat in the crowd listening to Jesus, befriending a boy who had five chunks of bread and two fisha lunch that would later feed 5,000 people. Andrew was the classic relationship-builder. He didnt set the world on fire, but he was effective just the same.

Both of us have altered our styles over the years to become more effective.

Mark: Ive learned to tone down and listen, especially with people Ive met in public places. I now can draw out the person with questions about their work, their families, where they are going.

When they ask about my occupation, I tell them Im a writer. This inevitably leads to, What do you write? I tell them I write mostly Christian books. I dont plunge in with the gospel even then, but I let that little thought build. This often leads to conversations about Christ, the Bible and what it means to be a Christian. People open up on their ownpresumably under the Holy Spirits power.

One woman said to me, This is the most enjoyable plane trip Ive ever had. I took that as a real vote of confidence.

Jeanette: Ive learned to watch my tendency to be a separatist. People are not the enemy I must fear. I now can take advantage of my strengthsuch as the comments my lifestyle brings.

For instance, when I moonlighted as a waitress for a time, the women I worked with talked religion, but church was obviously just a social thing. Yet they began to notice how different I was in my conversation and beliefs.

The most dramatic situation happened when they asked about my weekend, implying that my boyfriend and I were sleeping together.

I told them no and they said, Whats wrong? You wasted a weekend?

I finally told them I was a virgineven though I was over 30. And when they asked why, I told them about my commitment to Christ and to Gods Word.

Martha, an unwed, pregnant girl, looked at me and quietly said, You know, that must be nice.

Later, Martha and I talked, and I was able to plant some seeds. More chances to witness to the others occurred, too. All because I had a different lifestyle.

What are youpushy peddler, shy wallflower, something in-between? How do you think you could adjust your style to be more effective? Remember that you have a right to speak up with confidencethe gospel has power! But sometimes a quiet approach has more appeal to your listenerit gives you a chance to slowly build relationships and then draw on Gods strength to proclaim His truth.

Pray about it and ask God to lead you. We guarantee He will, because He did it for us. Then youll be able to share in the joy of making a Kingdom difference.

Mark Littleton has published more than 70 books and 1,500 articles. He speaks frequently to writers groups and also on evangelism, prayer and the spiritual life. Jeanette has published four books (two with Mark) and speaks to writers groups across the country. They live in Gladstone, Missouri.