10. Always eat a double-onion burger (or anything with hot sauce or garlic) before going on evangelism trips.

9. Never waste your time by stopping to pray silently for Gods help before talking to someone about Jesus.

8. When you tell people about Christ, its important to keep your mouth moving at all times. Listening is secondary to making your pitch.

7. Speaking of pitch, if you witness by telephone, be sure to call people right when theyre sitting down to dinner like the telemarketers do.

6. Use all the difficult-to-pronounce theological words you can remember. Impressing your listener is more important than being sincere.

5. If necessary, lock reluctant people in a room and tell them they cant leave until they pray to receive Christ.

4. Bribery still works. Offer free pens, stickers, fish symbols for cars or other trinkets to connive people into listening.

3. Adhere to a strict formula when telling what God has done in your life. Dont tailor what you say to your listeners needs. Flexibility is a no-no.

2. Take back tracts if people dont dig in immediately. Dont leave them behind for later reading. Those things can get expensive.

1. When someone prays with you to receive Christ say, Yippee! Now Ive won that toaster oven!