By Mary J. Yerkes
The call about Brandon came late at night, the tall, lanky teen from our youth group had stormed out of his home during a fight with his parents. He’d slammed the door and threatened never to return. He planned to drive his car into a tree, ending both his emotional pain and spiritual confusion. Thankfully, Brandon never followed through with his plan. He has since recommitted his life to Christ and is working hard to reestablish a healthy relationship with his family. Raised by Christian parents, Brandon attended church regularly. By all outward appearances, everything seemed fine. Apparently, it wasn’t. What went wrong? Adolescence is a challenging time—for teens and parents alike. Although you and your teen may not experience conflict as severe as Brandon and his family, all parents of teens will experience growing pains, as their teen transitions from childhood to adulthood. Christian parents face a far greater challenge than mood swings and hormones. We’re called to transfer a living, growing faith to our children, one that matures over time and helps teens stand firm against the storms of life. What does it take to impart this kind of vibrant faith? How do our teens transition from receiving our faith to owning their own? How do we help our teens become on mission Christians?
The challenge and the call Matthew 28:19 makes our call clear—we are to disciple our children, making the most of our time together, weaving biblical truths into the fabric of everyday life. And discipleship, at its heart, is about relationship. To reach our teenagers, we need to walk alongside them through the difficulties of life, learning who they are and what they think. So, what does this generation of teens look like? And what are their values?
They are huge—81 million strong—the largest generation so far and the first to grow up in a postmodern world where the dominant viewpoint holds that each person forms his or her own “truth.” So widespread is its influence that even “church kids” flounder in its grasp. According to George Barna, 86 percent of teenagers claim they’re Christian. But only one-third describe themselves as “absolutely committed” to Christianity. Many teenagers embrace views inconsistent with the Bible. Forty percent of born-again teens and half of all teenagers (52 percent) believe Jesus sinned while on earth. Sixty percent believe a person can earn salvation through good deeds. What accounts for this shift from biblical truth? Certainly, popular culture and the media contribute to the problem. Nevertheless, the responsibility lies with parents to counter this influence. God told Moses to instruct the people to teach the commandments of the law to their children. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 says, These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. God knew the best way to teach was by the life you live—a consistent example of faith does a whole lot more to impact the life of a child than a lifetime of sermons. Think what your children will learn, consciously or subconsciously, by observing mom and dad reading Scripture, telling the truth, doing what is right. Children watch adults every day and they notice if we’re practicing what we preach. It’s when parents are inconsistent that children become confused or hardened to the message being taught.Stepping into their worldIt seems that in recent years parents have grown lax in taking responsibility for their teen’s spiritual growth, relegating it instead to the church or youth minister. A few hours at church a week will do little to reverse the pull of today’s culture. Biblically, parents hold the primary responsibility for their teenager’s spiritual formation. Partnering with our church, supporting ministry for our youth, and volunteering our time and talents also help in our teens’ spiritual formation. It’s time to make spiritual growth of our teens a priority, shifting our calendars and schedules to accommodate involvement in ministry and an on mission lifestyle. The majority of Christian teens long to impact their culture for Christ. While we, as parents, sometimes separate the sacred from the secular, teens today take their faith into their schools and world, recognizing they can’t affect their world by staying within the four walls of the church. Eager to change the world through service and evangelism, teenagers need and want a mission. It falls to us, as parents, to provide ministry opportunities for our teenagers both inside and outside the church.
Teens with a mission John Bailey, Student Volunteer Mobilization director for the North American Mission Board, identifies three key areas in raising on mission teens: modeling, exposure and mobilization. Bailey encourages parents to model a passionate, on mission lifestyle. One obvious mission field for teens is the public school arena. Some of the most effective youth ministry today occurs when teens minister to their peers. But keep in mind that your teen’s evangelistic efforts will differ from yours. “Young adults are much more likely to share their faith through ongoing discussions with friends and through email and instant message conversations than are middle-aged and older adults. They’re less likely to engage in means that their generation finds offensive, such as street preaching or moral confrontation,” according to George Barna. Give your teens a sense of purpose by encouraging a missionary lifestyle at school. Your teens can find training materials and evangelism strategies at www.studentz.com. Experience is key. Get your kids doing ministry—this can have an amazing impact. Find ministries in your church where they can get involved. Encourage short-term mission trips for your teens. Some parents experience fear at the thought of sending their child to a strange land or foreign culture. Still, few things have the potential to influence your teen’s spiritual growth as much as a short-term mission trip. Many good programs exist, including PowerPlant (www.studentz.com/powerplant), Sojourners (www.answerthecall.net), and World Changers (www.worldchangers.studentz.com). Bailey challenges parents: “At the minimum, teens should give one week per year to missions.” That means each teenager will have an opportunity for six mission trips during his or her teen years. He challenges those students with special callings to consider giving a summer or semester to the mission field during their college years. You also might want to consider a family mission trip. Growing up as an MK (missionary kid), Wendy Goldie knows the importance of families going on mission together. She and her husband, Reg, thought a family mission trip would be the perfect experience for their kids, Kristen and Kurt. “God has given Reg and me a bigger perspective of our world,” says Wendy. “We wanted our kids to have that perspective and open their eyes to other parts of the world.” For more information about family mission trips visit www.namb.net/fom. Bailey also encourages parents to expose their teens to missionaries and others living an on mission lifestyle. He recommends inviting a missionary to your home for a meal and conversation, allowing your teen to see that missionaries are “regular” people, walking in obedience to God. Encourage teens to view all of their activities as mission opportunities. Extracurricular school activities, sports, neighborhood events—all provide avenues for ministry. Who needs a word of encouragement? How can we show Jesus to those around us? This kind of encouragement teaches teens to view all of life through a biblical lens. Clearly, much has changed in recent years. Yet, God’s Word remains the same. You might look at your child and wonder if anything you’ve said or done has sunk in. When you faithfully seek God in your life, your children will notice. When you give them the chance to be part of the incredible work God is doing in the world, they will rise to the occasion. When you take a genuine interest in them and build a heart connection with them, they will cherish it. As parents, we stand at a crossroads, faced with a challenge and a choice. Are we willing to do whatever it takes to help our teens become on mission adults? It won’t be easy. The cost is great—it requires our very life. Nevertheless, the reward is far greater.
Mary J. Yerkes is a writer living in Manassas, Virginia.