Because of the rain my drive to the airport was murder, and, of course, the flight was full. No, I couldnt change my seat assignment, said the unsmiling gate agent. So I braced myself for a middle seat. With carry-ons I had zero leg room, andwouldnt you know it?this wasnt even a deli flight.
I was fumbling with my seat belt and thinking how unfair life is when she spoke to me.
Is your home in Atlanta or New Orleans? asked the woman whose aisle seat I coveted.
Atlanta.
Business or pleasure?
Uh, oh, shes going to be a talker.
Business, I replied, thenanticipating the follow-up questionadded sweetly: Im on my way to the annual Southern Baptist convention.
Turns out she was quite opinionated about the subjects of church, organized religion, faith in general, and she launched in.
She once had been active in a congregation, singing in the choir and teaching Vacation Bible School, but over time things went haywire. The minister of music left his wife for the organist. Then the woman she was supposed to co-teach VBS with just never showed up. The final straw was when a deacons son and her son went on a partying binge, and yet the powers-that-be blamed her son more than the other boy. She and the church parted company.
Today shed been to see her son, now grown and living in Orlando. It was a sad tale. Hed lost his high-tech job, and his wife had moved out. Yes, the couple belonged to a church, but, no, the members werent helping. In fact, they were adding fuel to the fire by gossiping and taking sides.
All that was mild compared to what she told me next: Because of tropical storm Allison, the bottom floor of her house in Baton Rouge was standing in 14 inches of water. Yet shed left that disaster to fly off and be with her son.
Suddenly, my cramped quarters and rain-soaked shoes didnt seem so uncomfortable.
And what had she done when she got there? First and foremost, she prayed with her son, then she cooked his favorite casserole (providing leftovers), then she sat down at the kitchen table and helped him write a to-do list with this at the top: Ask God for help.
I was a little surprised that she had such a God-centered approach after her misfortunes, and I told her so. Her answer: Oh, its not God I have the problem with. Hes in my heart all the time. Its churches and so-called Christians I dont trust.
As the plane landed and we headed for baggage claim together, I told her I wished she would try a different church, give another one a chance, then we became separated in the crowd and she was lost in the blur. But not lost in my mind and heart. Yet I never even learned her name.
Stories like hers fascinate me, not only as a journalist but as an on mission Christian who is on the lookout for clues to our culture. Over the years Ive collected comments from many nonbelievers and non-churchgoers Ive met.
Following are samples that may give you insight into the thinking of people who dont accept Christ as Savior or who dont see church as necessary or relevant. By listening
to what nonbelievers say about what keeps them from the faith, we will identify some of the barriers that we and our churches can try to dismantle.
Carolyn Curtis is editor of On Mission.
56, married, three kids, retired Navy captain, VirginiaI know why they say there are no atheists in foxholes. When Im in deep trouble, I do pray. But I just dont see the need to be involved in a church. We know lots of fine people from our years in the Navy, and our neighbors are great. Plus, I think we have a pretty good fix on right and wrong. I dont see the advantage to going to church.
28, single father of two, taxi driver, District of ColumbiaI dont like restrictions. I know if I went to church they would tell me what I should do and what I shouldnt do, just like my grandmom. I dont see many guys buying into it.
28, homemaker, two kids, MissouriI dont like hearing that were bad. Every time Ive gone to church when were back in Illinois to visit my parents, the preacher has talked about how sinful we are. I dont think its a good message for the kids to hear. It plants negativism in their minds. And, goodness knows, they get enough of that from society.
48, owns insurance agency, divorced, ArizonaI do believe in God. Its Jesus I have a hard time understanding. I just dont get the part about His death on the cross. If someone explained that to me once, then I guess Ive forgotten. And, when I do visit a church, all I hear is He died for your sins. What does that mean? Hey, I think I know what sin is, and when I do it, I seem to wind up paying for it, one way or another. So I just dont quite get the connection between my sins and a man dying on a cross. Maybe Im stupid. But, Ill tell you, people at churches act like its so fundamental to their faith that Id look like a jerk if I asked them to explain.
67, divorced, grandmother, retired from teaching, ConnecticutI have a feeling that if I went to church I would have to tell people about my past, and I did some things that I just dont want to talk about. I admire people who can share those secrets with people, but I would rather keep them to myself. Im not talking about being a murderer or anything like that. But the circumstances of my divorce and the relationship I have with one of my daughters might not pass the scrutiny of church people. I dont want to be judged.
44, systems analyst, married, four sons, North CarolinaI was raised in the South where I got a mixed message. On the one hand, being a Christian was part of our culture. We went to church, but it seemed more like the responsible thing to do, like keeping your grass mowed. On the other hand, we were taughtespecially as malesto be strong and self-sufficient. This seemed like the opposite of what I heard at church which was to trust a God I couldnt even see and lean on Him for everything. I guess I just never got around to resolving this conflict.
39, auto-mechanic, second marriage, two kids, TexasMy wife is very religious and wants me to be. But I think what she calls faith is just emotion. What she believes makes her feel good, makes her feel secure. What makes me feel good and secure is working hard, taking care of my family.
35, manicurist, lives with boyfriend, AlbertaIve seen supposedly Christian people do terrible things to each other. Some of the most vicious things Ive ever heard of were done because people claimed God told them to act that way. Im talking about narrow-minded attitudes and mean-spirited actions.
31, married, no kids, computer technician, IowaId flown into town on a Saturday in order to take advantage of a lower airfare. I was staying in this hotel over the weekend preparing for a Monday morning meeting. Wouldnt you know, the cable TV went out, so I picked up the Gideon Bible and decided to read it. Some of it sounded good. But then I found inconsistencies. Like, God gives Moses the 10 Commandments. One is Thou shalt not kill. Then later He tells His followers to go and kill all these people! Whats that about?
51, sales manager, divorced, one daughter, FloridaIve never been able to buy the idea that Jesus is the only way to heaven when I know so many people of other religions who also believe in God. It makes no sense to me that He doesnt love them in return. And, if He does, why wouldnt He take them to heaven too?
44, married, two children, hotel management, MississippiWe moved here from Nevada. My wife and I were both raised as Jews but were not observant. I was worried about coming to the Bible belt, but Ive found the people arent as pushy about religion as I expected. Still, I sense a racial prejudice, and I think the churches foster it. They seem to worship separately. If they cant tolerate a person of a different color in their church, imagine what would happen if people like us walked in?
33, beautician, second marriage, no kids, WisconsinI know so many Christians who have personal problems that it makes me wonder whats the advantage to being one. I hear all this stuff from my customers. Husbands who leave them. Parents who are mean. Kids who rebel. I dont see the benefit.
Part 6 of an occasional series on how to reach people who have no interest in Christ or His church. Click here to view Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, or Part 5.