By Kima Jude

From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, we find our country's military serving all over the globe. But their families? They're often right where they were left, living in our neighborhoods, working in our communities and serving in our churches. They are our nation's "left behind," people for whom military deployment means being separated from a loved one for months or even years.

With a U.S. military presence growing globally, the ranks of the left behind are growing, too. While such sacrifices were once largely limited to families of career military, reservists are now deployed in record numbers, and their families also are paying the price.

Separation anxiety
Although most people acknowledge that the families of deployed military make huge sacrifices, we're not always quick to recognize the small ones. For example, Marna Parker's husband, an Air Force major stationed at Fort McPherson, Georgia, has been deployed three times, twice to Saudi Arabia and once to Qatar. None of the deployments lasted longer than four months, seemingly short stints-until you take a hard look at how much can happen in four months. During two of those separations the Parkers were expecting a child, and her husband missed out on pregnancy months with both children.

His absence also created a companionship void for his wife. "The very first time he was gone was a very lonely time," Marna says. Newly assigned to their base, she hadn't had an opportunity to make many friends before his first deployment.

Erica Good, 17, of Montgomery, Alabama, was 12 when her father, an Air Force reservist, spent six months in Oman. She recalled that he missed Thanksgiving that year and wasn't there to celebrate her birthday. Good's parents divorced four years after her father's deployment. Her mother, Rudona Good, believes the long separation weakened the marriage and became a turning point, the beginning of its end. "It was really hard not having a father for six months," Erica says. "Now I'm used to that."

Families who know their loved ones may be in harm's way grapple with added stress, fueled by intense media coverage, says Michael Husfelt, senior Protestant chaplain, 88th Air Base Wing at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio.

Aside from these emotional aspects, the practical considerations also create problems that can't be ignored. "The life of a family doesn't stop," Husfelt says, "and yet the mom or the dad's not there."

Families often must transform overnight into single-parent households with all the complications that entails, including childcare. Women find themselves doing jobs their husbands previously managed, like yard work or handling finances. And men transform into Mr. Mom.

The problems they bring home
Once a deployment has ended, however, families may feel the effects long after their loved one returns. "There's a lot of stress that goes with the re-integration process," says Will Alley, military minister for First Baptist Church in Belton, Texas. The church, located near Fort Hood, has 20 members deployed. After "they get through that honeymoon period" of their reunion, a husband and wife may struggle to re-adjust to their roles, according to Alley. A spouse who has been deployed may expect to take over the duties he or she had to abandon, but the spouse who took on those roles may not be willing to give them up.

"The re-integration can be traumatic, particularly with the husband who has seen brutal combat," says Bill Graham, associate pastor for missions and military at First Baptist Church in Clarksville, Tennessee. Problems such as nightmares and difficulty sleeping are common in such cases, according to Graham. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be debilitating, and churches should be educated on how to minister in such cases. Although dealing clinically with PTSD requires special training, Will Alley believes it can be addressed spiritually. Church members willing to pray for and walk alongside victims and their families can offer support and comfort.

Not all deployments are negative experiences, as Alley can attest. His own deployment to Baghdad, his "wilderness experience," culminated in a call to ministry, specifically chaplaincy. Alley recognized the need for more chaplains as soon as he got to Iraq-there wasn't one there. By the time he returned home he understood what God was calling him to do. While preparing for that role, he's been working through his church to mobilize others for military ministry as well. "There's such a need for the local churches to step in and take care of the family."

Standing in the gap
Recognizing that a post 9-11 surge in deployments has created something of a spiritual crisis, churches are becoming increasingly sensitive to the need to minister to those left behind. For example, Gary Sanders serves as minister of military missions at First Baptist Church of Norfolk (FBCN), Virginia, a position created two years ago as a response to the spiritual needs of the military.

Already focused on military in the church and the community, FBCN has embraced an even bigger vision. "We're trying to build a prototype of ministry to the military that can be expanded to other churches," Sanders says. "Churches do minister to military people, but they don't minister as intentionally or strategically as maybe they need to."

To help with that, Sanders formed the Military Missions Network (miltarymissionsnetwork.com), an alliance of churches, chaplains and ministries. "There's a movement of people doing military missions intentionally through the local church," he says. The motivation behind it is to move beyond simple ministry to a purposeful mission. "People are waking up and realizing the world is a dangerous place," Sanders says. Therefore, military men and women need to be as spiritually fit as they are physically. "We've got to prepare our military."

Multiple rather than single deployments are compounding the problem, according to Sanders, making the need critical and immediate. "We've got to mobilize our churches across the country," he says. "The problem is massive." To help with this, FBCN recently hosted The Flagship Church Conference, billed as a gathering of "mentor-type churches desiring excellence in military missions and ministry" to discuss and teach best practices.

Sanders identified two key types of churches involved in military ministry. The first is the military-friendly church. This is the church that loves and welcomes the military, recognizing the value of military personnel as co-laborers and church leaders. Many churches fit into the military-friendly mold, according to Sanders, and do a lot of good things "haphazardly."

The other is the military-focused church. This church focuses on military for missions and ministry as an intentional strategy in its vision, embracing the theory that a well-discipled military man or woman will extend Christianity's influence in the world.

Sanders encourages churches to turn military ministry into a focused mission. "If you're going to minister to military families, why not do it strategically?"
For more information about how your church can mobilize for ministry click HERE.

Kima Jude is a writer living in Beavercreek, Ohio.